The Eagle

The last few days have been great -- lots of shooting. An article came out today. Read it here.

The Home Stretch?

Coon Hunters, Boonville, N. Carolina, 2007

I leave for CA early next week, and it finally hit me that Boonville, CA will be my final destination on this ten-month journey. From time to time I think hard about where I am, and how I got here, and I am still shocked that it is happening -- and yet it is almost over. Somebody recently asked me if I am able to enjoy the actual journey and process. I want to say that I do, and that it is great. But the truth is that I will probably have a much stronger understanding of it while I am sitting at home a year from now, looking over all my notes, and snapshots from this process. I do enjoy it. And I do love it. But can I really fully understand and experience it in real time? I think I am, but I wonder how this journey will affect me over time.

I’m getting really nervous that this is almost finished. I can’t wait to go home, but I often feel like I am just getting started. The plan has always been to revisit each of the communities at least once more, for a week or so at a time. I look forward to that: Seeing all my friends, and taking another look at my notes, and previous images. I do not plan on stretching this project out any farther then I need to. But something is only done when it is done.

My biggest worry right now is money. As of February, I have exhausted all of my funds -- Gas and film developing are the main culprits. I know it shouldn’t be on my mind, because it will just add more pressure to the process, but that is reality. I’m currently working on making a few 11x14” fiber prints available for sale at a low price, to help get my film developer paid (he is currently working on IOUs) and to get me through Boonville, CA. More on that soon…

The last four days have been great. They have been filled with absolutely nothing. I was out taking pictures the other day, and I ran into John and his dog, Edie. John is in his mid-twenties, and lives in an apartment on the former site of Boonville, Texas. He kindly invited me to stay over for a night (I was in a motel for 3 days before that because of the cold). One night turned into four, and I did nothing but sit in John’s apartment watching the likes of Family Guy, Freaks and Geeks, the Discover and History channel, and South Park. It was absolutely wonderful, and a much needed dose of brainless Television. I did feel a bit guilty at times, but if I have learned anything about my low points, it’s to listen to and embrace them. I did shoot a bit while I was at John’s. But it was mostly inside his apartment, and a few portraits of him behind the complex.

Over the last seven months, there has been somewhat of a structure to the trip, and to the towns. Boonville, Texas is not a town, and it has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I'm enjoying the challenge, but it has definitely lived up to its "question mark" status. The work here has become a bit more conceptual, which feels great, and it works, but overall it has been a shock to the system.

Last night, while back at the camp, I went through almost all of the work I have shot to date. I am very excited about getting home and putting it all together. I haven’t looked at some of it for five or six months. It’s interesting how certain things pop out at me now, and actually make sense. I hope to see more of that when I get home.

I have a new site up. It's in the early stages. www.timothybriner.com

TX update: Bugs and Crack

I cracked my Mamyia 7 (camera) and flash last night. Crap!

Also, It was too cold and wet to camp, so I stayed in a shitty motel. I woke up at 3am with a terrible nightmare -- bugs were crawling all over me, and eating me alive. I instantly went into a panic and thought I was actually being eating alive -- not a far stretch considering the place I am staying.

The camera still works. Just doesn't focus properly. And the cable release cracked off and is jammed all up in it. I was having a blast shooting though. So I kept on it. I hope the shot was worth it. The flash works, but the hotshoe is completely gone. So I can still attach a sync cord, or hand hold it. Not so bad. Gotta send the 7 off to Mamiya -- not looking forward to that bill.

Otherwise, I'm doing great. Enjoying sleeping in a bed, and got some film back today. I'm excited about a few things. Some early images were just studies -- some of which I was hoping would be finals, but it's back to the beginning for those guys.

I'm in TX for about twelve more days. I'm slowly figuring out my place in it, and I'm looking forward to the coming week -- and CA!

get out of your own way, Tim!

At the bottom of this post you will find a page taken from my Journal, from five months ago (I've been reading through them lately). It pretty much sums up how I feel today, and yesterday, and the day before.

It's interesting how exactly five months ago I was feeling scared and confused, mostly about the project and the work. I've come a long way since October, 5, 2007, but I'm still confused from time to time. And I'm almost always scared of something. Usually it is something regarding my process, or lack of will, or money issues, but last night it was actually the wind. At about 12:30am I heard a bunch of noises, sounds of footsteps: I quietly undid my sleeping bag, opened my knife, and quickly zipped open my tent while I gracefully crawled towards the intruder -- hahahaha, I'm just like Rambo.

But seriously, each town is a new and completely different situation. And I still find myself going through the same, and necessary, motions to fully understand my place in it. I'm currently dealing with a bit of that. Five months ago I was down right scared. Now I have a bit of respect and understanding for it. But it still takes its toll.

Updated:
If I have sounded negative or put-upon in some posts regarding these struggles, I do not mean to. I'm having the time of my life, and I get to create art every single day! I'm loving every minute of it. Even the struggles. They're kinda the best part. They continue to make me think, and grow. And I don't think art is only about struggling, or pain, but I do think both of those things are strongly connected to the process of creating art. And with that comes meaningful work (crossing fingers). ###

"Boonville, New York, October 5, 2007

The hardest thing seems to be getting passed the fear. I have tons of self-doubt. It seems to be taking over. The fear is thick. Today I felt genuinely afraid and alone. I know what I must do, and I want to do it, it just seems to be getting harder. I believe I will struggle with this project up until the end. That is not comforting. Personal quests are meant to be filled with fear, guilt and self-doubt, that is why they are worth doing, to push me forward, right? Powerful ideas and projects are full of struggles and setbacks. My mind has to be strong. I have to believe. Or I will fail, this is certain. I must reach beyond myself, get out of my own mind, and see it from a different perspective -- get out of your own way, Tim!"

In Search of America, Part 3

Chevy Truck, Texas Flag, Boonville/Bryan, TX

I'm having a good time in Texas. I'm still not quite secure in how I'm feeling about the former Boonville, and how I will approach it, but I have started to produce a few things I am really excited about -- we will see how I feel after seeing them in a few days.

Texas is strange. It's hard to describe, but if you have ever been here, you know what I mean. It's everything and at the same time it is nothing. Very strange. Very big.

"Texas is a state of mind. Texas is an obsession. Above all, Texas is a nation in every sense of the word." John Steinbeck, Travels with Charlie: In Search of America, 1962

I'm currently struggling with having to drop Laura off at the airport. We spent the last few days in Austin, and now she is back in NY. After finally being back together for the first time in over two months, we are again separated. Three days is only long enough to make us miss each other more.

Home-Cooked Meal, #23 (Thanks SFA!)

PBJ, Sarah Sudhoff, Nochadoches, TX, Feb., 2008

As I previously mentioned, Sarah Sudhoff invited me to be a guest lecturer at the Stephen F. Austin State University, in Nochadoches, TX. It went very well. I had a great time speaking, as well as hanging out with some of the photography students.

Sarah was very kind: putting me up for a few nights, giving me access to her shower, making me dinner two nights in a row, and being an all around killer host and good time. A big thanks to SFA, Sarah, Gary, and all of the students and faculty that made it out to hear all my babbling.


Sarah and I, Nochadoches, TX