get out of your own way, Tim!
At the bottom of this post you will find a page taken from my Journal, from five months ago (I've been reading through them lately). It pretty much sums up how I feel today, and yesterday, and the day before.
It's interesting how exactly five months ago I was feeling scared and confused, mostly about the project and the work. I've come a long way since October, 5, 2007, but I'm still confused from time to time. And I'm almost always scared of something. Usually it is something regarding my process, or lack of will, or money issues, but last night it was actually the wind. At about 12:30am I heard a bunch of noises, sounds of footsteps: I quietly undid my sleeping bag, opened my knife, and quickly zipped open my tent while I gracefully crawled towards the intruder -- hahahaha, I'm just like Rambo.
But seriously, each town is a new and completely different situation. And I still find myself going through the same, and necessary, motions to fully understand my place in it. I'm currently dealing with a bit of that. Five months ago I was down right scared. Now I have a bit of respect and understanding for it. But it still takes its toll.
Updated:
If I have sounded negative or put-upon in some posts regarding these struggles, I do not mean to. I'm having the time of my life, and I get to create art every single day! I'm loving every minute of it. Even the struggles. They're kinda the best part. They continue to make me think, and grow. And I don't think art is only about struggling, or pain, but I do think both of those things are strongly connected to the process of creating art. And with that comes meaningful work (crossing fingers). ###
It's interesting how exactly five months ago I was feeling scared and confused, mostly about the project and the work. I've come a long way since October, 5, 2007, but I'm still confused from time to time. And I'm almost always scared of something. Usually it is something regarding my process, or lack of will, or money issues, but last night it was actually the wind. At about 12:30am I heard a bunch of noises, sounds of footsteps: I quietly undid my sleeping bag, opened my knife, and quickly zipped open my tent while I gracefully crawled towards the intruder -- hahahaha, I'm just like Rambo.
But seriously, each town is a new and completely different situation. And I still find myself going through the same, and necessary, motions to fully understand my place in it. I'm currently dealing with a bit of that. Five months ago I was down right scared. Now I have a bit of respect and understanding for it. But it still takes its toll.
Updated:
If I have sounded negative or put-upon in some posts regarding these struggles, I do not mean to. I'm having the time of my life, and I get to create art every single day! I'm loving every minute of it. Even the struggles. They're kinda the best part. They continue to make me think, and grow. And I don't think art is only about struggling, or pain, but I do think both of those things are strongly connected to the process of creating art. And with that comes meaningful work (crossing fingers). ###
"Boonville, New York, October 5, 2007
The hardest thing seems to be getting passed the fear. I have tons of self-doubt. It seems to be taking over. The fear is thick. Today I felt genuinely afraid and alone. I know what I must do, and I want to do it, it just seems to be getting harder. I believe I will struggle with this project up until the end. That is not comforting. Personal quests are meant to be filled with fear, guilt and self-doubt, that is why they are worth doing, to push me forward, right? Powerful ideas and projects are full of struggles and setbacks. My mind has to be strong. I have to believe. Or I will fail, this is certain. I must reach beyond myself, get out of my own mind, and see it from a different perspective -- get out of your own way, Tim!"
Labels: Texas
posted by Timothy Briner at
10:22 AM
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