Lost in Boonville, Day 60

Nathan's Deer Head, Boonville, North Carolina

Today is day sixty of my Boonville project. I am leaving Boonville, N. Carolina for Boonville, New York on Monday. The last week has been very difficult. I've found that the last five or six days in each town I've been to (Boonville, MO and NC) have been excruciating. I am beyond mentally exhausted. It is a lot harder to work on the road then I initially expected: trying to meet interesting people all the time, shooting everyday, continuing to get fresh images, all while staying sane. I have many people invested in me and this project. I am often hit with a sense of failure and guilt. It's hard to keep up the momentum. Some days the exhaustion, headaches and second-guessing is so hard that I cannot even get out of bed.

Two days ago I awoke to that feeling. I did not want to move but the guilt was overflowing. I forced myself to get up and download and load my 4x5 film. After I downloaded the shot film, I opened my changing bag and sat there, just zoning out. I went to load the empty 4x5 holders, only to find my box of film open and exposed to the light.

What this means is that I lost twenty-five sheets of film, or two days worth of work. I was devastated. Words cannot explain. In the eight years of using my 4x5, I have never made that mistake. I quickly accepted it, went through my notes, wrote down the shots that were in the box and then called my girlfriend. The highs are high but the lows are really low.